What is the real pros and cons about marriage, so what are your views on marriage?
So well, today I am going to talk about my own views on marriage.
For people out there thinking if you should get married or not, why not read my post on my views on it?
Getting married young.
What is your definition of being young? 18-20? 20-30?
Someone once told me that women shouldnt get married till they are 30 for that is the age that they will realise who is best for them.
For my take is that, it's based on your own maturity isn't it?
Well, some people can get married at age of 30 and get divorced by the age of 32? Am I right?
For some cases, people may have blissful marriage at age of 30 but by the age of 50,
the couple maybe asking each other "why havent we met earlier? we could have more time together, & now both of us are aging I regret not loving you earlier".
For me, I think that whether to get married early or not is based on your own opinion and on whether do you truely understand what is love and what is marriage for.
I have friends who think that they shouldn't get married at all. They rather live with the one they love and once they quarrel or whatever, they can just walk off each other's lives and there won't be any other second thoughts, so that they won't be binded by anything.
I guess, this is more like the "modern" view on relationship right?
No one wants to get married, everyone just wants to enjoy life or enjoy the time of being "courted".
That's not for me though.
I feel that the points to consider whether to get married or not is the following:
-Do you know your partner well enough?
-Why do I want to commit to this person?
-Do I love him/her?
-Am I willing to die for him/her?
-Can I live on without him/her?
-Can I suffer with him/her?
-Can I share my joy with him/her?
Above are only SOME points, basically, I feel that marriage is the responsibility.
It's also a promise. I promise you make to each other. A vow.
Oh, another thing is that humans like you and me usually make promises impulsely.
Honestly, who dont? We promise this promise that but in the end, we just failed to do so.
Many of us do not know the reason why but most likely it's because we didn't consider the situation or say, REALITY.
Marriage isn't like a fairytale whereby you will live happily ever after.
I feel that marrigae is the beginning of your challenge in life.
In Asian countries, like we live in, marriage is like binding ourselves with both our families.
We don't only marry our partner but all our family members/friends.
So this is really something you should consider before deciding if you should get married or not.
Most importantly, it's still love. Love grows from infatuation.
You need to know if you truely love that person, I have no ways for you to test it out or whatever, but you just need to know it yourself.
& yes, about young love. Or so called, puppy love.
First of all, I don't think there's such thing as puppy love or whatever, love is just love.
Just that we are exposed to it earlier doesn't mean that we don't know about love.
Honestly, do you adults really think that you know about love?
Sorry, I feel that not all adults know what is love. Or say, some youngsters know better than you.
Too early to get married? No. What kids really need to know is REALITY.
I mean youngsters can love more and much more compared to adults. They can DIE for their lovers.
Why? Because they know the hurt, the pain, the sweetness, the memories.
What they don't know? Reality.
I personally feel what's the very thing that couples always quarrel about? MONEY.
Yes, money, money is a big part about reality.
It's not easy to support each other, not easy to don't care about yourself but your family when you're cash tight.
E.g. You have only $100 to survive for the month, would you rather starve and let your lover eat?
Seriously, talk is easy, but action is hard.
You need to be ready to face all challenges.
Before marriage, you need to know love.
Before true love, you need to face challenges together, you need to face money problem, you need to face a 3rd party in your relationship, you need whatever it takes to let you both build trust.
That you can don't meet for 3 years and you still know you only love that particular person.
Love isn't easy like 123. Humans tend to give up too easily.
Your boyfriend hits you and you leave?
Your girlfriend stole your money and you break up with her?
You girlfriend hugged with another guy and you leave her calling her betrayer?
Let me tell you, if you really love that person, you wont leave.
Love only becomes love and relationship really stables when you see change.
& when you see sacrifise. & when you see that you will have a future with that person.
& also, trust, no words from other people can let you leave your partner in the lurch.
If you have been with your boyfriend for 3 years now, & have faced a lot of things together but still stay strong. Let me tell you, congratulations, you have more things coming ahead?
Can you brave all of them?
& another thing, your love today is earned through the days you both had together.
The sweetness in his/her eyes and the trust you both share is what you all have earned up till today.
Which couple don't quarrel? None. Perhaps they don't quarrel infront of you?
Love is EARNED through endurance.
Only if you have braved challenges, then you are ready for marriage.
& when married, thats when you will face even more challenges ahead.
Be it raising kids, money, fight for love, fight for time, whatever that comes in between.
Why get married when it's so tough?
Because getting married is the point when you dedicate yourself to your other half.
It's when you both are rightfully acknowleged as one.
When two individuals come together to become one, a family.
& this is only when TRUE HAPPINESS comes about.
You will never know true happiness and blissfulness if you don't have a family, if you don't have a kid to raise.
You will never be full without all these.
Family is so important and that is why your parents are important.
Getting married isn't loving your boy/girl more than your parents.
Parental love is DIFFERENT from your love to your boyfriend or husbands.
You can never compare them, however, never ever leave your parents/ harm them for your boyfriend.
They raised you to be who you are today & that is why you will get to know your husband today.
This is all for today I guess.
Sorry for this long long post.
Follow up post, Marriage 2 : http://www.kiyomilim.com/2012/07/just-random-thoughts-marriage-2.html
Follow up post, Marriage 2 : http://www.kiyomilim.com/2012/07/just-random-thoughts-marriage-2.html
I didn't provide constructive feedback? Didn't I say that in the long run you'll get a broken family because she claimed that you shouldn't leave your partner even if he hits you or cheats on you etc. And by bringing up pxd I only meant to say that how she handles stuff is very childish. Like she mentioned how part of the reason she hates pxd is because pxd unfollowed her, followed her, then unfollowed her on twitter or something like that? It's just the way she handles relationships and pxd is just an example I thought of. Like how she gets so angry everytime when people unfollow her on twitter. Okay here's a constructive feedback: If people unfollow you, it's their own option, so stop getting so annoyed. And so what if you've already wrote a disclaimer on your twitter?ReplyDelete
Anyway, I was just trying to be nice pointing out to you Kiyomi that you're definitely not ready for marriage. Yes, not my problem, but just giving feedback on it because the feeling you give people is that you're not mature enough and marriage is not as easy as you made it seem to be little girl.
And no I'm not a hater. Just someone who has been an occasional reader and thinks that you really need some help that's why I even bothered typing all these. You can ignore really, but what I'm really trying to give constructive feedback and I've no idea why these people can't tell that it's constructive when my points are all based on concrete things that you do and say. Maybe coz you all have the same intellect? :)
P.S And if any of you are thinking of commenting on my intellect as a rebuttal, I definitely am more clear headed in my arguments than any of you and my qualifications is definitely higher. Oh and I'm not writing this because I'm jealous that you've a sweet relationship because I'm equally sweet in mine (6yrs) and in fact I'm so glad that my boyfriend is much more clear headed than yours. (and definitely smarter than your merit diploma bf, in case anyone of you want to challenge this point as well) Btw this point is not a critiscim. Is just in case you all got nothing better to rebut and try to use my intellect as a point or comment that I'm a hater cos I'm jealous. -_- Like really.. Everyone who posts negative comments are haters? Nobody ever gives constructive feedbacks anymore? So you rather hear good things that are untrue than bad stuffs that are true to help you know where are your flaws? I think you can be really a sweet girl but really, these are your flaws I'm telling you. Please don't dismiss it as just a hate comment from a hater because it isn't.
Okay I really shouldn't waste my time telling you all these because you'd get all defensive again.
Just saying that as her supporters we should say something nicer instead of something so harsh I know Kiyomi in real life and she isn't as immature as you think she is. I don't like people using harsh words to talk about my friend this way. You're entitled to your own opinion sure, but don't just say things like, let me quote: And I thought you're going to quit blogging? You've mentioned it a few times already. So why do you seem to be blogging even more now.ReplyDelete
I thought the way you said that was downright rude, which urged me to rebutt you. I think even when someone wants to quit blogging and they still blog, it isn't our business and we shouldn't point out and ask why that person stopped blogging, and criticize her because of that. How is she like Naomi Neo anyway? I don't see the link between Naomi and her, and Kiyomi is Kiyomi, she's just being herself and not trying to pretend to be anyone. So there you go, a reply from a friend of hers. ^^
He's accepted into nus already? You sure? Didn't he just grad from poly waiting to go NS? Why you talk like he's in uni already? Didn't know that results for university admission for poly so fast come out already. But anw, real estate is really easy to get in shouldn't be a prob ;)ReplyDelete
NUS, real estate.ReplyDelete
Btw those qns are directed to kiyomi, not faith :)ReplyDelete
Totally agree with you. Anyway, you say that your bf is in uni? Which uni? What course? Be aware that there are dumping grounds around- people who barely scrape through their exams end up there. Nowadays it means nothing much to be in uni.ReplyDelete
Eh, stop flavouring others please. FOREVER BRINGING UP THE SAME MATTER OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Kiyomi has the rights to blog about whatever she wants and decide if she wants to blog or not. I'm not trying to side her but judging by the fact your comment, you are just simply an annoying hater. Lol and thank you for commenting, TAKING THE TIME AND EFFORT TO WRTIE SUCH A LONGGGGG COMMENT.ReplyDelete
Ignore the haters Kiyomi, you're entitled to what you think, this is YOUR blog anyway, so you can write whatever you want here. And yeah, I agree with your post, many adults don't really know what real love is, because of the high rates of divorce. Over the years, the divorce rates in Singapore has increased significantly and I think this is not only due to the affluence rate we have here, but also to the changing mindsets of people. Many people give up on a marriage so easily, and it just shows that they didn't really love each other from the start. I think you seem really mature in writing about this matter, and not everyone would want to get married so early. :DReplyDelete
From my point of view it seems like you are a hater LOL~ whether she seems childish or not about marriage doesn't concern you does it? After all she did state that this was her point of view, not yours. So what if someone thinks that she's ready for marriage, it doesn't mean you have any right to tell her she is or isn't ready. If you think that's constructive feedback, then you should be telling her about the complications that could result from early marriage and improvements that can be made, instead of criticizing her and bringing up topics about PXD. I don't hate PXD or anything, I still read her blog, but from what I see it's all a matter of misunderstandings. What YOU need to do is to provide REAL constructive feedback, instead of coming here and criticizing the heck out of kiyomi and telling her what she should or shouldn't do. Thanks and bye. :)ReplyDelete
Hihi! I am spending time on my studies. I guess you don't really know me. However, I know how I will be living my life so don't worry. I am not escaping from my family and my parents are supportive so why not when all I want to is settle down & be with the one I love officially. Maybe it's just me but, thanks though.ReplyDelete
To me, it simply feels like you are using marriage to escape from your own family, your problems etc. you are only 18, spend more time on your studies. At your age, I'm already repairing for uni. Some people overseas are already in uni at your age. Good luck.ReplyDelete
Hihi, okay sure. What a long comment. Like I said, it' just my point of you so feel free to comment.ReplyDelete
Hahah, I don't know, I just feel that if you really love that person, you shouldn't leave no matter the reason unless the person doesn't love you.ReplyDelete
Honestly, you sound really immatured still to be talking about such topics. Some points are right but it's like so duh but the rest just makes you sound so immature to be someone who claims to be ready for marriage. If someone really abused/cheated on you, a mature person will eventually stop this relationship with him/her because you shouldn't put yourself to torture no matter how much you claim to love the person. In the long run, you'll get a broken family with abusive husband or someone who constantly cheats on you. You're sure you're ready for marriage? Think again. This is judging from your recent posts from your fight with PXD and explaining why you dislike her and other posts... Seriously shows how childish you are in handling things. But you're still really young so it's nothing wrong. You should stop talking about matured issues (ready for marriage, etc.) because it just shows how warped your thinking is.ReplyDelete
And no, you don't sound like Naomi Neo at all. Not even close. Speaking intelligently about such topics honestly doesn't seem to suit someone who still has such a childish mindset and can't even differentiate between sacrifice and sacrifise.
And I thought you're going to quit blogging? You've mentioned it a few times already. So why do you seem to be blogging even more now. I'm not a hater by the way and I know that this comment might be hurtful. But whatever I'm saying now is really what you should know. What you need to do is to learn from constructive feedbacks and be a better person. Good luck.
Great post Kiyomi!! But I feel that, when it's best for our other half if we leave them, we'd still leave them innit?? But that's just my point of view :)ReplyDelete